rAnDoM tHoUgHts + mUsIc

i haven't been very productive in the office this week.  the project i'm in got on hold so our group did nothing this week but surf the net - sites which are of course, work-related, but most of the times, not.  then if my eyes already hurt from staring at my monitor, i go and grab coffee.  after 3 days of doing all of these, i grew tired of it so i decided to take a leave today.  tomorrow is our friday-off then on monday it's a public holiday, so what do i got? a 5-day weekend! woo-hoo!

i don't have much plans for the 5 days i'm out of the office, but most of the time i bet i'll just stay home - continue reading "the time traveller's wife" (i'm on page 72 now), watch lots of tv, surf the net, sleep.  oh, i'm going out to the mall before lunch to buy junk food.  and i'm planning to buy stuffs like pebbles and a tree branch or something - it's where you mount orchids, but i forgot what it's called - for my mini-mini garden.

ok, gotta log in to facebook now.

my cellphone was shut off since last night coz the battery got drained and when i charged it i just kept it off.  so i was surprised when i switched it on this morning coz i got messages sent to me last night.  the messages were from my younger sister.  they were very long messages pouring out her own family problems, to the point that she was saying she's ready to leave her husband.  oh my.

my sister and i seem like from the opposite ends.  within the family, she's the more outspoken one, easily gets annoyed and will fight even with the sales clerks in the malls if she doesn't get the service she wants.  i'm the more reserved one, quiet and deep. yes, believe that!  anyway, this is the reason why i did not get very upset when i got her messages this morning.  for all i know, she must have texted all her friends and told them about her problems.  so i just took my time and when i got here in the office i texted her back, asking her how she was doing.  she texted right away, "i'm ok now, he said sorry last night."  i knew it.

but if she just only knew what i have been going thru for the past years.  perhaps, if she were on my shoes, she must have announced all the problems to all our relatives and friends, even maybe to the whole world.  but this is me.  i just keep everything to myself.  well, technically, to myself and to this blog.

if she only knew.

this time of the week has always been the most exciting part for me whenever i'm out of the country -- the week when i'm about to go home!

but there was a time when i had mixed feelings of going home -- time when i would be leaving friends.. and particularly a good, good friend.

anyway, this song reminds me of those times.  well, this is just one of those songs, coz i really have lots during those times. 

reminiscing of old times.  now this is keeping me awake.

i had mixed feelings on my travel back to manila on saturday.  i'm happy with it because that meant seeing my family again after 2 months (long!), but at the same time, it kinda saddened me for i was supposed to come back to china after only a weeks vacation. 

but then, things turned out for the better.

yesterday afternoon i got an email from a project lead in manila and got me on board for their project!  that means i am not forced to come back to china (Mark will take my place here, poor him), or if they ask me to extend my stay here, i now have an excuse to decline and just go home.  woo-hoo!

i got so excited that i started packing my bags last night, 4 days before my flight. ha-ha-ha!

in-between breakfast of cereals and milk... and listening to e-radio portal's 89.9 80s music (coz it's friday magic madness), here i am trying to update my blog.

this is the first time i'm blogging early in the morning (it's only 5:35am!).  seems like i've had enough of the pinoy chismis (pep.ph), news (inquirer.net), and youtube and facebook are both banned here.  aargh.

so this is my pathetic hotel life in china.  i think i wanna go home.  now.

hindi ka ba napapagod?
o di kaya'y nagsasawa?
sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan?

napahid na'ng mga luha
damdamin at puso'y tigang
wala na'ng maibubuga
wala na ako'ng maramdaman...

click here to listen to "Nakapagtataka" by MYMP

J begged for forgiveness.  I thought, "again???"

And he begged to let him stay in the house... for the kids' sake.  I thought, "well, yeah, rent is kinda expensive..."

But... what then is the point of breaking up if you still see him everyday?  He said he'll be invisible.  I thought "huh?"  Ok, he didn't mean it literally.

So to make the story short, I let him stay.  But he will sleep in Migs' room.  And Migs will sleep with me.  I had the last word though... I told J "I cannot guarantee if you can still go back to our room again." 

Am I happy with this? 

No.  Definitely no.

But I think I'm having my self esteem back.

"I Saw the Sign" is an old song (c. 1990s) by Ace of Base.  Funny but it's being played in my head since yesterday -- when all of a sudden, my world came crumbling down.

Yep, i saw the sign.  Well, actually -- signs.  Even before yesterday.  Even before last week.  Perhaps I was in denial before, but finally, yesterday, to be exact, I found proof.  He is still doing it.  Gosh, I even have a hard time typing the word "cheat".

He did it several times already (four, five times)... and each time I forgave him.  But yesterday was the last straw.  What was even painful was that it was with the same woman.  And to think I even talked to her (was I desperate?) and she promised she'll stop.

But there they were... still doing it behind my back.  What could they be thinking?  They made me look stupid. 

So I told him to pack his bags and leave.  Ok, I gave him until this week to find a new place.  (That's how understanding I am... it's really unbelievable.)

I, I gotta new life
You would hardly recognize me I'm so glad
How could a person like me care for you?
(Why?)Why do I bother
When you're not the one for me
Ooooo, is enough, enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind!
And I am happy now living without you

it's been 3 days now since i... i...

...fell off the stairs!

waaah!!!

yeah, i fell big time -- all 5 steps of it... good thing i fell at the last 5 steps, what if i slipped from the top? gaahd..

i was wearing hubby's large bedroom slippers... now i know! that's why they call it slippers!

now my butt hurts.. same with my arms, shoulders and hips...

i even have a hard time doing... *bleep*..