rAnDoM tHoUgHts + mUsIc

i've come to realize that...

whenever you have problems...

never expect that

the person whom you think will be there for you will be...

so just try to be strong...

hindi ka ba napapagod?
o di kaya'y nagsasawa?
sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan?

napahid na'ng mga luha
damdamin at puso'y tigang
wala na'ng maibubuga
wala na ako'ng maramdaman...

click here to listen to "Nakapagtataka" by MYMP

J begged for forgiveness.  I thought, "again???"

And he begged to let him stay in the house... for the kids' sake.  I thought, "well, yeah, rent is kinda expensive..."

But... what then is the point of breaking up if you still see him everyday?  He said he'll be invisible.  I thought "huh?"  Ok, he didn't mean it literally.

So to make the story short, I let him stay.  But he will sleep in Migs' room.  And Migs will sleep with me.  I had the last word though... I told J "I cannot guarantee if you can still go back to our room again." 

Am I happy with this? 

No.  Definitely no.

But I think I'm having my self esteem back.

"I Saw the Sign" is an old song (c. 1990s) by Ace of Base.  Funny but it's being played in my head since yesterday -- when all of a sudden, my world came crumbling down.

Yep, i saw the sign.  Well, actually -- signs.  Even before yesterday.  Even before last week.  Perhaps I was in denial before, but finally, yesterday, to be exact, I found proof.  He is still doing it.  Gosh, I even have a hard time typing the word "cheat".

He did it several times already (four, five times)... and each time I forgave him.  But yesterday was the last straw.  What was even painful was that it was with the same woman.  And to think I even talked to her (was I desperate?) and she promised she'll stop.

But there they were... still doing it behind my back.  What could they be thinking?  They made me look stupid. 

So I told him to pack his bags and leave.  Ok, I gave him until this week to find a new place.  (That's how understanding I am... it's really unbelievable.)

I, I gotta new life
You would hardly recognize me I'm so glad
How could a person like me care for you?
(Why?)Why do I bother
When you're not the one for me
Ooooo, is enough, enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind!
And I am happy now living without you

it's been 3 days now since i... i...

...fell off the stairs!

waaah!!!

yeah, i fell big time -- all 5 steps of it... good thing i fell at the last 5 steps, what if i slipped from the top? gaahd..

i was wearing hubby's large bedroom slippers... now i know! that's why they call it slippers!

now my butt hurts.. same with my arms, shoulders and hips...

i even have a hard time doing... *bleep*..

this is what i usually listen to on the car on my way to work... it's entertaining - informative and hilarious!

<click here to listen>

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..

a very nice song, originally sung by Smokey Robinson...this is the version of Adam Lambert, one of American Idol finalists, who also happens to be my favorite to win. 

this is david cook's music video... singing "come back to me"..

Lyrics below.

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin'
As you look away
I know there's really nothin' left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

so i finished watching the movie "vicky cristina barcelona" the other night.  it was funny.  and weird.  i'd say it's not for the morally upright people.  did i say it's for me?

then i watched "the women" upon the insistence of the hubby.  this dvd has been in our shelf for months and hubby said he watched it while i was in china.  he said it's funny and i'd like it.  halfway of the movie, meg ryan's character found out that her husband is cheating on her.  i thought, hmmm, is hubby mocking me or himself?  did he really understand what the movie is all about?  when hubby entered the room (i was watching it alone), i told him:  "you know, i can totally relate!" ... his face was blank... now that was funny.

i think i better get busy with work again.

i chanced upon this documentary film by michael moore, called "sicko", on cable.  it was really absorbing.  it dealt with the health care that the US is getting or not getting, to be exact.  it made comparison with the health care from other countries like canada, uk, france.. even cuba!  and what do you know, they're all better in giving health care than the US.  therefore this film, (aside from those i see on TV from watching Crime & Investigation channel) seals my decision not to live in america, hahaha.  but traveling there and seeing the sights wouldn't hurt, of course.

last night i was watching 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona'.  it's a typical film by woody allen... lots of dialogues, which i like.  this is where penelope cruz won her oscar award for best supporting actress (?)... and halfway thru the movie, when her character came out, i accidentally plugged out the power cord.  i checked the time and it was almost midnight, way past my bed time.  oh well, i'll just watch it again tonight...